* Throw my own trash in the dumpster
* Make it to the parking lot where I will soon be paring my truck (Black Beauty or Heartbreaker, not sure on the name... more to come later)
* Go to the corner store *(Circe K) and back

I found that the apartment complex I live in is not handi-capable in the least! On my way to the dumpster the parking lot has a mountainous region that I found myself trapped on. On the way to the Circle K the entrance (and only way) for me to go, has a incline so steep I was sliding out of my wheelchair and screaming something in Spanish not even understandable to me! It sorta sounded like EPpa Eppa y ARRIBA! But more cussier. When we got the the store all I bought was beer... I did not even want beer but I bought it... 24 of them! I am feeling better now that I have administered some of them, but holy frijole batman... that was some wild ride I am sure not to do ever again, well, 20 beers from now I may feel differently.

*hic*

I made it back with minor scratches and abrasions (there are really pokey bushes on the narrow walk we took coming home).

I may need more beer.

That is all.

Imagine my surprise when my son in law bangs on my door and wakes me up from a deep (journey to the earths core deep) sleep! Asks me if I "NEED ANY HELP!" I go through the caverns of my mind thinking about stuff like "do I need to move the couch, reach some cans above the stove?" I yell out, "NOT SURE, WHAT, UM, HEY, UH, HI NATE!" Then he says to me "Danielle said you may need help. Did you call her?"

I figured this was an emergency wellness check!

"I may have called her with my face."

Nate "Silence"

Me "um, what time is it?"

Nate "8:30"

Me "Day or night?"

Nate *silence*

Me *waiting*

Nate in a hushed tone "night, 8:30 pm"

Me "ok, I will call her, thanks for coming to save my life, sorry I was not dead."

*door closes*

It seems my phone was next to me and I rolled over it with my face and called my kid. When I called her to apologise and see if I had called her she sais this is what took place.

PHONE RINGS *from Daddy*

Danielle "HeLLooOOOOoo Daddio!"

Me *growling sounds*

Danielle "Daddy?"

Me *raspyness*

Danielle "DADDY!!! ARE YOU OK!!!?"

Me "I need help."

DEAD PHONE

I have no idea why I would have said that but I did. What a way to start the day.. I mean night.. I mean

*Sigh*

If you get a call from me and I am growling, just hang up on me.

In taking part of the protest my sites (Haggis and Hey! Whats that fat guy cooking?) were down for the entire day. I did not surf the web or do the social meth clicks either.

I WAS OFFLINE ON PURPOSE!

This is what I did from Midnight to the following midnight (no sleep).
I washed all my clothes and blankets (everything that could be washed, WAS washed).
I gathered every document and letter (all paper productes with words on them). I sorted and filed them in a filing cabinet. ALL OF THEM. About the space of 40 PS3's.
I put away the Christmas decorations (tree included).
Cleaned and vacuumed my entire apartment.
Moved HEAVY items into closets. Moved Heavy items into room from closets.
Cleaned out my fridge.
Made lunch and dinner for the next day (Pulled pork sandwiches and tilapia over wild rice).
Jailbroke and cracked an iPhone 3G.
Played Skyrim and got stuck in some cave with glowing mushrooms and some Gollum looking mothers.

There was some singing, writing and at one point "STREAKING!" But not on purpose. That is a story for another protest.

So, SOPA PIPA (that sounds like a sopaipilla and I am afraid many Hispandexes may want it to pass, thinking it is so very delicious) helped in some productive way for me.

How did it help y'all?

Keeme

Once upon a time, there were three bears who livd in the woods. The Papa bear, the mama bear and the baby bear. While eating breakfast consisting of porridge, kind of like Cream of Wheat but not so much, they discovered it (the porridge) was too hot! So they went for a walk. A short time later along came a little girl named Goldilocks. She knocked on the front door and, when no one answered, she cased the joint and found an open window and commited her 3rd BnE of the day!
She had broken in through a kitchen window and saw there were three bowls of porridge. She sat at the Papa bears bowl andate some.

"This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed.

So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.

"This porridge is too cold," she said

So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.

"Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up.

After she'd eaten the three bears' breakfasts she decided she was feeling a little tired. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three chairs. Goldilocks sat in the first chair to rest her feet.

"This chair is too big!" she exclaimed.

So she sat in the second chair.

"This chair is too big, too!" she whined.

So she tried the last and smallest chair.

"Ahhh, this chair is just right," she sighed. But just as she settled down into the chair to rest, it broke into pieces!

Goldilocks was very tired by this time, so she went upstairs to the bedroom. She lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then she lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then she lay down in the third bed and it was just right. Goldilocks fell asleep.

As she was sleeping, the three bears came home.

"Someone's been eating my porridge," growled the Papa bear.

"Someone's been eating my porridge," said the Mama bear.

"Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!" cried the Baby bear.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair," growled the Papa bear.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair," said the Mama bear.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces," cried the Baby bear.

They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa bear growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed,"

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said the Mama bear

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby bear.

Now here is where I have been fuzzy all my life. My ending goes a certain way but I have heard some parents tell it in a more "lets all get along; kumbaya" sorta tone. First the way this website tells it

Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three bears. She screamed, "Help!" And she jumped up and ran out of the room. Goldilocks ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the forest. And she never returned to the home of the three bears.

Now my way

Then the Bears locked the door like Kenny Rogers did in that song "The Gambler." Then went over to Goldielocks and ATE THAT @Y^#*(@( @^#&@(& All THE @T%@&#* UP! Try and be eating my food and breaking my baby's bed NOT IN MY HOUSE BIOTCH!- THE END MOTHER @T(Y#(Q)"

They seem to like my ending a little more, maybe because I do the voices too.

Ahh, Fairy Tales. Next time I will recite what I used to tell my kids (all girls) about Cinderella! Just know that the prince does not come out dashing or even a winner in the divorce, in my version of the story.

1) Zombies are slow.
2) They are turned by some sort of act (sex or other, you know, biting and heavy petting and such).
3) Ewww I just thought of 1 & 2 combined.
4) There is really only one way to kill a zombie, shot to the head.
5) They are really bent on eating brains like its the McRib on black Friday!

So if we take this information and actually prepare for it. Why not stock up on some kind of brain substitute? We do it every damned day with the tier 2 zombies (tier 2 are us fat people hell bent on eating healthy but not wanting to give up our delicious snacks). I bet if you took all the cookies and soda out of the picture the tier 1's would take over so fast, it would make Walking Dead look like an episode of Dora the Explorah. Oh, who are these tier 1's you may ask, BABIES (ages 1 to 3).

I propose we (society) create a reserve of brains and tofu substitues to feed these zombies of tomorrow. We can get Monsanto or them other guys to alter some corn or liposuctioned fat to create these "lunch-able" type brains. We can market them with other survivalist crap. I bet the commercials would be awesome, like mini movies.. ZOMBIE MOVIES! Picture a family of four, in the basement. An arm comes through some gingerly places boards and grabs Dad! "grrr brains, grrr." The mom laughs and the children seem to agree "Hehe, mommy they think Dad has brains, hehe." Then Mommy takes a package out of the freezer and looks into the camera "Caught with unexpected dinner guest? Try Brainios or Brainchiladas. I serve them after ever apocalypse and they are such a huge hit!" cutaway to a scene where the family is seated at a table complete with zombies. "Mmmm brainchiladas, mmmm grrrr." Wife looks at her husband "honey, these are for the guests!" Everyone laughs, except for the undead, they are too busy enjoying the delicious grey matter.

While we are at it, maybe we inject some kind of muratic/sulfuric acid in that fake brain meal and BAM! No more zombies. No need for weapons when we have Soybrains growing in the fields!

One more thing... Why no zombies in wheelchairs. We freaking might like brains too, silly Hollywood.

My amigo (Carpool Dave) stopped by for a guitar lesson. We talked for a while about what what we each were doing in life and how we are trying to improve upon the quality and so on. Then I said "lets break out with them guitars and rock this joint!" or "nice guitar man." either way, it led to a lesson. Now here is the thing about me, I don't know how to play all that well and giving lessons has been limited to many children (who later learned from real instructors and went on to live happy healthy lives). I traumatized many souls in my day... sometimes by a choppy version of Tequila Sunrise in the afternoon or with a inebriated belting of Witchy Woman at 3AM! Sorry The Wardens <-- my favorite neighbors ever. Either way it was the tribute to The Eagles that mattered.

So as I am showing Dave how to play Already Gone or La Bamba (complete with non hispandex lyrics "palala la la la bamba") he sorta fizzles out (I think his fingertips were bleeding or he just started to imagine me doing a finally worthy of Hendrix and did not wanna see a guitar flying around my head) he stopped and talked to me about this blog. He said, a bunch of stuff about, my Christmas tree (its still up, lets not go there yet), my tv and The Smashing Pumpkins. At some point he looked me in the eye or looked away (I was so confused I really don't remember which) and said

"You are like a 50's, 60's 70's classic rock sorta banjo picking superfly kinda dude huh?"

*Silence*

I agreed because, I thought, yes, yes I am. HE went on for about 3 hours about how the Pumpkins early stuff was delicious and the newer, not so much. Then I started to play Marcy Playgrounds SEX AND CANDY... Thats when Dave left. As he was leaving I played more Eagles and heard Dave say something like "I think I should get a book and learn the chords on my own now, bye."

Ahhh teaching people how not to play the guitar is what I am gonna start telling people "is what I do."

If you're like me you've bought many books on time management, minute managers, time for dummies, what time is it, whose time is it now, time is on my side and time after time (I love Cyndi Lauper). Maybe talking, writing or even singing about time may be the only way that time works for somebody, believe me, the old expression "time heals all wounds" is a freaking lie; this I know.

The reason I say this, we're all hurtling towards the end of our time in one way shape or form, and it seems trading dollars for hours and just trying to hang on seems to be enough for all of us. Babies are born with the timestamp somewhere, old people are obsessed with making it on time to doctors appointments, afternoon dinners, Parcheesi with the neighbors and yes even the restroom. Why are we so obsessed with glorifying this unit of measure as if it were our personal God? When did it start, was it a government issued law back in Greece, did the Egyptians invent the deadline, literally? Who knows but I want to abolish time. I don't want it to cease to exist, I just want to make sure we cease to measure it. Think about it if you didn't have to worry about time, we'd have so much (insert outlawed word here) and energy. Someone would probably invent something like a Watch, in which case we would probably hang em. Hey! Look at the bright side, there would be no set (unit of measure) so there may be a chance that person could live for (insert time replacement word here) Or (insert a unicorn here).

I know, it can't be done, but it would be nice not to have to worry about it, ever.

I have to go now, it's 5:41 AM and I have not slept, the nurse is coming, I'm expecting phone calls that various times today that I cannot miss.
So looking for a good time organizing app for my many devices, any suggestions?
See you, when I see you.

I decided to take the advice of one of my amigos, Rob (from ChaosDigest), was cool enough to give me feedback on my silly questions. I had many of these from the moment I met him, from politics to social media. The latter is the latest and I have finally taken this to task. He said "get into social media dude!" This was so long ago I cannot tell you when he told me but I'm telling you what he told me. I get it now Rob, social media is going to be big/HUGE and had I listened back then I may have been a little more "successful" with my social skills had I attached them to the right outlets.

So, I did not buy Apple stock when they started out. As for Social Media bandwagoning, I am doing it now. Better late than later. Here is what I have done. The past few nights I revived my almsot non existent blog back to life (Keeme.com, where Haggis Ain't Cake!). I also revived the fatguycooking site and should be uploading videos on a regular basis there too. I added Facebook pages, twitter and links to both sites. I read up on how to do it (I just googled "how do I add my site to FB" or "I want to link my blog to twitter") and I got the answers. I followed the directions and added plugins (I run all this on WordPress hosted by godaddy) and VOILA, I tried the wordpress.com stuff but I felt limited. They may have changed how all that runs and the best part is it is free! If you don't have a blog and are looking to put yourself out there with all the free stuff you can, blogspot, wordpress and others are the key. I like the fact I own a million domains and have the option to change it at anytime or add video/pics etc.

I am not done revamping my new Keeme enterprise, I have to start a newsletter (it helps with bringing in new and keeping the already connected readers/listeners). I am also looking to have people help out with a few roles around here in the near future as well. I cannot do all the heavy lifting and having someone to do show notes or even take on a scheduled column or segment can go a long way to getting more subscribers. The least of all this effort is having a better product to showcase.

Then comes the thing we all think about (we=social media ESCORTS); Monetization. It is the thing we all really want to do when it comes to creating a professional setup. If you are into this for "just blogging for the fun of it" then that is time you're willing to invest and thats about it. If your thing is Video blogging or podcasting in any form, it is gonna take some money one way or another. I was listening to Today in Podcasting (a show for podcasters made by some of the better known casters). The thing that got me thinking was when they talked about a couple celebrity podcasters and how the d/load counts were in the millions. That does not equal millions of dollars (or maybe it could) but the fact there are so many d/loads advertisers would be willing to pay to have an ad run on that show. With the d/load on demand that podcasts offer it makes it even a sweeter deal for them. If I get my ducks in a row, I want to be able to present potential clients with demographics and all the information I glean from my followers to make me a hotter commodity. I don't think it is a sellout, it is more like of a way to stay connected and bringing even more content to my audience. Money to pay for rent, no worry, I will put out more shows which will earn me more money.

In a perfect world huh.

For now, I want the best social media experience I can have. I want to have people come hang out on my site and feel the sense of community that was HUGE back when many of us started blogging/podcasting. I miss that and I missed the boat on making it better and profitable.

That is the gist of this post. If you are going to do any social media sharing, make sure it is your best. If you are not, maybe just add your family on FB and copy paste songs your listening to and posts no one gets "TO THE GUY AT WALGREENS! I COULDA LOVED YOU HAD YOU NOT TAKEN THE LAST BAG OF CHEETOS." Been there done that.

Here is the list I started out with to get my social empire started

Create links to all social media (FB, MS, TWITTER etc).
Create landing pages on blogs and FB
Create a schedule for blog posts and do research for any products/websites/people etc
Get the word out to get bloggers/podcasters involved in projects and submit content/conduct interviews
create newsletters for each site/cast
Some references I used to get my stuff going

Today in podcasting

For newsletters and reasons for having one
Problogger

Creating a FB page
Facebook

Free blogs
WordPress
Blogger

Feedburner (great for showing stats and getting the rss out there!)GoDaddy (for buying and hosting a website)

Godaddy (domains and hosting on your own)

I was talking to a good friend of mine last night and told her I was finally feeling that thing everyone thought I would be feeling. Just not around the time they were thinking, year one, but a little longer than that. I am the slow zebra after all. I am feeling incarcerated. I have had bouts of this and that (this = depression, that = everything else) but nothing this strong. I have had opportunity to get that damned leg of mine for about 6 months and I am not sure why I have not just done it. It may be fear that I am not going to be able to do what I have dreamed/fantasized about doing (no, not having street/sidewalk intersection sex while the don't walk sign if flashing) but just plain old walking.  I used to be afraid of almost everything there was to be afraid of in the past. My friend Abbott pointed that fact out to me one day (not in the nicest way, but I needed to hear it, so the ends justified the means on that one). So being afraid now kind of just pisses me off! I say this here because I am gearing up to remedy this (leg issue) this week. I may not be walking tomorrow but I will have appointments set and shoes to try on.

What are some of your fears? What can be done to overcome them, if they can be overcome. Don't be afraid to share them with us here, we don't bite, hard.