For years Hollywood has been trying to scare us with zombies. HEll in recent years they have tried making zombies our friend! Hollywood does not know what its doing but, from my research, they did get a few things right.
1) Zombies are slow.
2) They are turned by some sort of act (sex or other, you know, biting and heavy petting and such).
3) Ewww I just thought of 1 & 2 combined.
4) There is really only one way to kill a zombie, shot to the head.
5) They are really bent on eating brains like its the McRib on black Friday!
So if we take this information and actually prepare for it. Why not stock up on some kind of brain substitute? We do it every damned day with the tier 2 zombies (tier 2 are us fat people hell bent on eating healthy but not wanting to give up our delicious snacks). I bet if you took all the cookies and soda out of the picture the tier 1's would take over so fast, it would make Walking Dead look like an episode of Dora the Explorah. Oh, who are these tier 1's you may ask, BABIES (ages 1 to 3).
I propose we (society) create a reserve of brains and tofu substitues to feed these zombies of tomorrow. We can get Monsanto or them other guys to alter some corn or liposuctioned fat to create these "lunch-able" type brains. We can market them with other survivalist crap. I bet the commercials would be awesome, like mini movies.. ZOMBIE MOVIES! Picture a family of four, in the basement. An arm comes through some gingerly places boards and grabs Dad! "grrr brains, grrr." The mom laughs and the children seem to agree "Hehe, mommy they think Dad has brains, hehe." Then Mommy takes a package out of the freezer and looks into the camera "Caught with unexpected dinner guest? Try Brainios or Brainchiladas. I serve them after ever apocalypse and they are such a huge hit!" cutaway to a scene where the family is seated at a table complete with zombies. "Mmmm brainchiladas, mmmm grrrr." Wife looks at her husband "honey, these are for the guests!" Everyone laughs, except for the undead, they are too busy enjoying the delicious grey matter.
While we are at it, maybe we inject some kind of muratic/sulfuric acid in that fake brain meal and BAM! No more zombies. No need for weapons when we have Soybrains growing in the fields!
One more thing... Why no zombies in wheelchairs. We freaking might like brains too, silly Hollywood.
